Peace thru Sacrifice and Determination

Every Tuesday morning an ending, and a new

Beginning. We all have a different story, but 

We are all one and the same. They say we have 

A disorder, but we have a disease. There is no 

Cure, but we come here to learn how to fight it.

Whether we are soldiers, sailors, airmen or 

Marines; We have been where others feared to

Tread. Some of us signed up to do the job, for

The 'Nam Guys most were chosen by their dear

Friends and Neighbors. Some friends to have, huh?

In a way, it is like going back to basic training or 

Reporting to a new unit. A few hours or a day or 

Two, and you have made new buddies that will be

Friends for life. We share our stories privately, the 

Smoke room is sanctuary and it's walls guard us.

201 is our second home, and we spend hours in 

Group. Sara, Corey, Doctor Rod and Katey give

us skills for our new battle that our more important to

Saving our lives. Becky has grief & loss, and battle 

Weary warriors are brought to tears by haunting pasts.

The nurses have the toughest job of all. They are with 

Us round the clock and on weekends. Whether we are 

With them for two weeks or two months, they get to 

Know us and then they have to say good-bye. Yet They

All give us everything that they have everyday we're there.

Thanks to the couselors, nurses, and staff of the Jack H Wisby Jr. Clinic

and to my roommate William, Bill Patton, Bob Clifford, Uncle Bob, Jerry, Tom Marcello,

Brian Tromblee, Uncle Brian, John Portik, John Mortsok

Batavia

I never took it seriously in and acted like it
Was all a game. Humor kept me from the 
Thoughts of what would happen when if I 
Made a mistake. I loved the Husky the best,
Because then it was me alone. Only I paid.

It was never a thought of the future, and what
It would be like. The nightmares were already
There, and I came home with all my parts so 
I was fine. Then it all began, and it has gotten 
Worse. The sensitivity to lights, the headaches
And the lying that pain means I'm alive still.

It really means I am just stuck in a living hell, 
Some people look at me, and think that he is 
Fine. Others say he is just crazy, because I have
PTSD as well. They don't understand that the 
brain damage is something that I am stuck with.

I won't ever forget the day that my neurologist
told me that I am likely to be a legal junkie by 
The time I am 50. There are times that It makes 
Me think of giving up. I have 12 years and I am 
fighting because I am a warrior not just a soldier.

I have to remember that I can't feel sorry for me
Because I can still get out fo bed in the morning.
I am also blessed with a wonderful family, and 
The best friends, doctors and nurses to support 
Me that any veteran could ever ask for, THANKS GUYS.

Sgt. Parrish

I left Iraq in August 2006, and I won't ever forget Leroy Parrish. He was part of the HQ platoon that delivered me to Balad to join the 110th. He passed on October 3rd 2006, and I will always wonder what happened. Did he take my place? I never extended to stay in Iraq with the 110th because they weren't Tommy, SFC Mann and Sharpe. They never gave me the confidence that Tommy did, there was never a better squad leader you could ask for. We only exchanged harsh words once, and that was coming into BIAP on yankee one night. He yelled at me to watch out for the convoy leaving, and I told him to shut the fuck up so I could drive unless he wanted the wheel. The entire time with the 110th, the only ones who inspired me like him were Bittel, Cureton, and Brandt. Bittel was a squad leader I hated, because I drove the husky and I swear he wanted me dead. He was  like a bloodhound for IED's. Brandt was my team leader, and he had been with the 48th. We were two of a kind, we fought BG Rodeheaver? so we could stay when the lightning left. We traded our time for "Working Weekends" and a "Bullseye" on shoulder.

I won't ever forget the night of August 5th, 2006. I remember sitting inside the Buff with SFC Evans and SGT Riddell and the female captain from Arkansas. It was hours we sat there and cigarettes, and chew we went through like maniacs. The fougasse that went off was enough to kill V-3 but they all survived. I will never forget SSG  ---------- telling me to stay inside as my friends might be dead inside the RG. Tunning, Riddell, Koontz, and Doc all survived but Doc was the bravest bastard ever born. He went back into the RG when it as burning, and got his kit and the only thing we lost was some nod's and a mgn mount. I remember him asking me for a light and I gave him my tags with the little light on it. "Don't f---ing lose that my room key is on it...K was evacced but

Some hypocrisy of my own

Now, I have served my country since I was a teenager and I volunteered to serve in Iraq. It had nothing to do with going to find Saddam's weapons of mass destruction or his links to 9/11, because I am just a dumb old soldier but even I know when I am being fed a line of bullsh*&. Anyone who says they supported things because they believed the CIA or whatever has probably bought oceanfront property in Arizona or a nice little bridge for sale in Brooklyn. I went to Iraq, because it was the right thing to do.

This is the part that confuses a lot of people, because I see it in black and white without the shades of gray. You see, I didn't like old GW as a president but he at least quit screwing around and took Saddam out like his daddy and slick Willie should have. You see Saddam was a scumbag and got what he deserved, just like his two sons. The Iraqi people deserve better than what they got, and I am proud of what I and those I served with did to help them. There were mistakes and other things, but it was a warzone and shit happens. Most people don't understand that before the surge it wasn't the Iraqi people doing most of the fighting, but foreign fighters that were coming to help Al-qaida in Iraq and try to force them to live under a system like Afghanistan had under the Taliban. I have a real big problem with people that like to go around blowing people up, torturing, beating and killing in order to force them to worship the same way they do. See, it wasn't good enough that the Sunni and Shiia of Iraq were already Muslim, but if they weren't Wahabi or going to convert to Wahabiism then they would kill whoever they had to in order to make the rest fall into line.

10:10 Movie and the Enviro-Psychos

I never thought that I could see anything more disgusting than some of my memories from Iraq until watching television yesterday. I was unfortunate enough to come across the showing of the 10:10 commercial and it was something that made me want to throw up. I am not sure how any sane person person could ever come up with a concept for an advertisement or mini-movie like this, but my first thought is that they seriously need to be checked out by a team of thoroughly competent psychiatric professionals before being locked away someplace heavily sedated for many years to come.

I am all for helping the environment by recycling and doing what we can, but the concept of this commercial is sociopathic.

Hurting

It's coming back again, and I know the
Feeling all too well. My body is fighting
Me, and I am the one losing the fight at
Every twist and turn. I have to keep in
The fight losing is not an option for me.

My friends stand ready to help me, and
Without them I would have given up. I
Hide the weakness to keep them from
Worrying. I know some would counsel
Me

A Stupid Song in My Head

A song "Bury Me on Deadwood Mountani" by a group called Big & Rich that has been stuck in my head, just been coming up on random in my playlist the past few days. I like it, but don't get the wrong message by it.


I've been a rambler, all my life
Been a bet it all gambler
Yeah I let it all ride
Never been afraid of losin
Yeah there's been times I've lost it all
But it wont really matter
Someday when I'm gone

You can bury me on Deadwood Mountain
By my brother Wild Bill and sister Calamity Jane
Don't bring me no flowers
Just a six gun smokin
Put me eight feet down
When you bury me
Put me eight feet down
When you bury me

When your heart runs deeper
Then a ghost town gold mine
You just know your bound to find that motherload
You'll spend your last heartbeat chasing after rainbows
No there's no place you won't go
To win one more time

You can bury me on Deadwood Mountain
By my brother Wild Bill and sister Calamity Jane
Don't bring me no flowers
Just a six gun smokin
Put me eight feet down
When you bury me
Put me eight feet down
When you bury me

And cover me a little extra deep
Cause that's the only way
I'm ever gonna rest in peace

You can bury me on Deadwood Mountain
By my brother Wild Bill and sister Calamity Jane
Don't bring me no flowers
Just a six gun smokin
Put me eight feet down
When you bury me
Put me eight feet down
When you bury me

Soon it will be Memorial Day again

What It Means

We served our tour as strangers in the start,

I was thrown in a replacement and unknown.

You all treated me like I had no clue, then it

Was less than a week. My test came and I 

Passed in your eyes, and I had a new home.

You had all been together for years,but in a

Few weeks time it happened. We lost them, 

And they were mine too. The ramp that night 

Is what only those who've been there will ever

Know. They went home but not to their families.

We drove on and finished our tour. More of us 

Were hit and some were wounded. One other 

Would leave us, but there would be no more 

Angel flights. The rest would return safely to 

Your families, and even tried to bring me too.

Another unit to join for a few more months,and

Then I too came home. A year would pass, and 

I would be a casualty without the war. Then the 

News would come that I lost the "Kid." He came 

Home but that fucking war would still claim him.

We'll gather with friends and "family" that day. I

Think a joke that they watch us parade, because

They won't stand in the sun as we remember the

Times we shared and those who aren't having

Beer and cook-outs with their families & friends.

Disappearances

I haven't been around this week, because I have been out of my medicines thanks to my wonderful doctors at the VA. I love you, but right now I have been so toxic the last few days that I am scared of hurting you. My new doctor also got the bright idea to try a new prescription with me adderall? He said it is supposed to help with my focus, and yeah I am thinking he is the world's biggest dumbass. It is used for kids with ADD, but if you look here you will see crazy meds review of it. Just what you need to give someone who doesn't have the ability to sleep without the use of prescription sleeping pills or going till their bodies crashes from exhaustion. Between that and waiting for my refills of my sleeping pills and paxil, I managed to go from late Tuesday night till Saturday evening before my body just collapsed. this is the most coherent I have been in that time. Which really scares me because I don't remember yesterday, I know the boys went with Jennifer on Friday for Mother's Day and I have been on the go all the time since. I just don't know what I did? I also have to look up hypomania which I found is a side effect of Paxil and not being weaned off it along with some other less fun things that I am not going to go there.

I am not sure about anything anymore, and it is scaring me more and more. I know where you have been lately with your own health, and the stupidity I am capable of on my own normally is something you don't need to deal with when I don't have my medicines.

I really do wish I had the magic wand or a time machine. If I could do it over as I see things around me now, I would never have gone to Iraq or not come home...lol...I watch the news everyday and I did it for nothing. People are too stupid to see it, and for what was here at home the cost has never been worth me or the kid. In 4 more weeks it will be 4 years, and why did we all do it?

I had someone tell me the other day when I went out to the store as I stopped at one of my local haunts that they were tired of hearing about servicemen. I just sat and listened as they said there is nothing special about them that they are just normal people. I exploded then and told them that yeah we are normal, but we are the ones who shed our fucking blood and suffer the injuries and do the dying that they won't stand up and fucking do. I told them we are less than 1% of the population that have the courage to do what they won't do, and yet they still insult us or tell us we are cruel or inhuman for the things we have done.

They don't understand the price we pay for them. They don't see the kid that I loved or all the others, the things they gave up and never got to have. Not to mention the ones who loved them that pay that price every day remembering them, and learning to carry on with their lives without them.

Long Time

It has been a while since I have been here, the last post that I made here was in January. and I took that down before I made my blog private. I did that in order to keep the wicked witch from being able to get on here and read any of thoughts on here. I had also posted the archives of all her chats with her boyfriend, and left a link on my facebook when she had angered me one evening. I posted it all and left it up there until just a few weeks ago because I was tired of her telling everyone that it was me who was responsible.

I also did this because I have decided that I want to post my thoughts about the lifestyle here, and my stories here sometimes. Since a couple of people in my family have the address for this, I did not want them  able to read my thoughts and feelings especially since I turned off my fetlife profile, because of S knowing about it and knowing that she might use it against me with my mom and dad for the boys moving back here.

You have to love reading Supreme Court cases

Wow...Reading the oral arguments of Snyder v. Phelps and this is going to be some killer reading. For those who don't know about it, this is the case where the father of a young Marine killed in Iraq has taken the Phelps family all the way to SCOTUS for the unholy perversion they call a church.

Good old Father Fred Phelps has what is supposedly a church in Westboro, KS. I apologize to the people of Westboro that I mention his name in association with what I am sure is a wonderful town, just as I won't mention what faith his church is supposedly. Because they lay no claim to him and his church made of his family members due to the hate filled filth that these morons preach.

I personally having seen several interviews of old Fred think he is severely over-compensating and using his pulpit to try to convince his family that he isn't a pole-smoker. I can't help wondering if he doesn't travel all over for his protests just for the chance to visit highway rest areas and other places that he might find those of his persuasion...LMAO

Imagine that

It is so amazing to hear the news media today, and to listen to the veep as they are all celebrating the success in Iraq. It is so amazing that after all the pissing and moaning these past few years that it is a success. I remember leaving there 4 years ago, and coming home to have people tell me what a terrible waste it was and we shouldn't be there. According to those same candy-ass reporters then the only thing that could save the war was a miracle from God on high. All it really needed was for the politicians to shut the hell up and let General Petraeus kick ass like we needed too.

All these reporters and politicians did nothing but get in the damned way of the military. All they had to do was "Cry Havoc" and let slip the Dogs of War. We knew what the hell we were doing and we did the best damned job we could and that anyone could ask. Especially when you consider we had to deal with private contractors getting in the way and even treating us as if we were the enemy.

So for all the blood we shed and the men and women we lost; you're welcome there Mr, Prez. Now stay the hell out of the way in Afghanistan and let them do their job so they can get it done and get on home ASAP.

Three Cheers for Stan!!!

Well, da'Prez has fired General McChrystal in what is a shocking outcome. The only thing that disappoints me in all this is that McChrystal made public apologies in the media about these comments. In thinking about this and wondering though, I have one question that I would love to ask him. I know you are the consummate warrior General, and that you are one of the good guys. Did you fall on your sword General to show people that da'Prez's strategy is a mistake?

I salute you General, and if you did what I think you did I applaud you. 

Disappointed

I thought General McChrystal was one of the good guys and reading what he had to say in Rolling Stone showed me he was. The troops are the ones that matter, and I am sorry to see that he will most likely be replaced by someone who is more politically acceptable. You know what though, f*&^ them if they can't take a joke, General. I know the regs say that you are not supposed to say anything about da Prez, but in this case I can't blame you for saying what you did. I hope, but doubt, that he is smart enough to keep you on the job as doing otherwise would be a huge mistake. From a former soldier who has my old unit in your care, including my younger brother and close friends, thank you for the job you have done and for telling people the truth.

Screw Calderon and his country

After serving this country, I am pissed that the piss-ant presidente of Mexico comes here this week and wants to tell us that our laws are wrong. I could care less what the little sonofabitch says, because guess what we are a sovereign Nation and not the United Welfare States to take care of his citizens. After his statements, every illegal mexican ought to be rounded up and shipped right back across the border along with their anchor babies. Then cut off all the aid we give them and laugh as they try to figure out where all the money his people send home annually will come from now.

A relief for sure

It is nice to finally use this blog to talk about my lifestyle and my interests.

Nowadays, I am losing more and more of my impulse control and just saying and doing what I want more and more. I really don't think or care about consequences about most of the things I do, and I don't mean this to say that I am doing anything illegal or anything like that. I am just doing what makes me happy or trying my best to do so. Not that anything has really worked, but it has certainly passed the time.

Ever since last year, I got the news from my neurologist that I can't change, but I can do my best to fight it. It changed the way I look at things, and I just want to have fun in the meantime. Whatever ways I can and just hope that those who are close to me understand.

Wonderings and wanderings

Sometimes it is easier for me to write my thoughts down than to talk about them, and I sometimes wonder if I haven't just gone insane. I have never been a conventional person in any sense of the word, and that has included my relationships. My family has always thought there was something wrong with me because I was always interested in kinky things.

My wife, bless her heart, has always put up with and has joined in my interests. Although, even she doesn't realize I don't think just  how far out and strange my mind works when it comes to love, the lifestyle and all the deep dark things inside my head and my heart.

I have often wondered if maybe I am wired wrong somewhere, because I love my wife but I am not made for monogamy. It doesn't mean I love her any less, but at the same time I need and want to have relationships with others. I know most people think polyamorous relationships are taboo, but I really don't.

I am not sure what it is about me, but I am not sure that I have ever reached the limits of what I might try or do in my lifestyle experimentation within reason. The farther I push my imagination, the more I come up with and the more I want to try and to do. I am not sure if that makes me crazy or normal, or if I have just lost my goddamned mind finally.

I guess the best answer is to have fun and play the hand you're dealt. And try not to get caught bluffing with a pair of deuces when the other guy has a full boat...lol

You gotta love the troops

I have gotta love what our troops come up with when they are bored and deployed. Having been there, when I saw the telephone video that Malibu Melcher and his buddies made in Afghanistan I was rolling with laughter. These guys do an awesome job that most people don't want to do that most don't want to begin with. In their off duty time there is only so much to do, so soldiers and all servicemembers get creative in what they do. Some blog, some write, and others get creative and I am just glad that his chain of command has been supportive since the video went viral.

For all of the troops deployed in Afghanistan including my younger brother, stay safe and God bless. Do what you can when you can to keep yourselves sane, and by all means let this cover all those deployed throughout the world.

God Bless the Atheists

Today is the National Day of Prayer and I find it hilarious that atheists are trying to have it stopped. I find it even funnier that some jackass judge in Wisconsin said that it is unconstitutional to have a National Day of Prayer. You know what though, I think they all need to get the sand out of their panties or take some midol for the cramping and shut the hell up.

It is not mandatory for them to pray, and even da Prez isn't going to send the FBI after them if they don't want to pray or to believe in God or some form of a God. So what the hell is their problem? No one is forcing their beliefs on you, and their is nothing in the Establishment Clause that forbids a National Day of Prayer.

It really pisses me off that these people have to try to force their beliefs on other people. It is time that all these bed-wetting cry-baby little crap-heads shut up and let other people alone. No one is forcing their beliefs upon them, and making them pray.

People need to get over it and let other people be. Quit trying to force your beliefs on others, because no one was trying to make you pray or believe in God.

Thank you though for all the extra publicity you helped give to the National Day of Prayer, and God Bless. Hey, so what do you say we do it again next year.

I am so tired of political correctness

It is time to say somethings that have needed to be said for a long time, and I just needed to get them off my chest. Since when is not alright to just say what you think? I served my time in the Army and I earned my right to Freedom of Speech. So now to get this said.

I am tired of all this crap about the Coalition for American Islamic Relations or whatever the hell their name is. These guys are a bunch of douchebags that are trying to make us feel bad about going after terrorists. Guess what? I served in Iraq and I am disabled because of these Muhammad following scumbags. I lost friends that were dear to me to these pieces of human filth, and my friends and family are still serving overseas at this moment against these POS's.

I have no problem with any religion; I have problem with those of any religion who use it as a justification to kill the innocent. I have more respect for the dumbass pirates off Somalia that have accidentally attacked the warships of ours and other flags than I do for any scumbag that thinks he is a man because he sets off a suicide bomb in a marketplace full of civilians.

I personally think all you wannabe jihadis are going to find out that the virgins are going to laugh at you like the pathetic little pussies you are. I only wish I could still continue to go after you because I miss it, and didn't send near enough to hell.