Sgt. Parrish

I left Iraq in August 2006, and I won't ever forget Leroy Parrish. He was part of the HQ platoon that delivered me to Balad to join the 110th. He passed on October 3rd 2006, and I will always wonder what happened. Did he take my place? I never extended to stay in Iraq with the 110th because they weren't Tommy, SFC Mann and Sharpe. They never gave me the confidence that Tommy did, there was never a better squad leader you could ask for. We only exchanged harsh words once, and that was coming into BIAP on yankee one night. He yelled at me to watch out for the convoy leaving, and I told him to shut the fuck up so I could drive unless he wanted the wheel. The entire time with the 110th, the only ones who inspired me like him were Bittel, Cureton, and Brandt. Bittel was a squad leader I hated, because I drove the husky and I swear he wanted me dead. He was  like a bloodhound for IED's. Brandt was my team leader, and he had been with the 48th. We were two of a kind, we fought BG Rodeheaver? so we could stay when the lightning left. We traded our time for "Working Weekends" and a "Bullseye" on shoulder.

I won't ever forget the night of August 5th, 2006. I remember sitting inside the Buff with SFC Evans and SGT Riddell and the female captain from Arkansas. It was hours we sat there and cigarettes, and chew we went through like maniacs. The fougasse that went off was enough to kill V-3 but they all survived. I will never forget SSG  ---------- telling me to stay inside as my friends might be dead inside the RG. Tunning, Riddell, Koontz, and Doc all survived but Doc was the bravest bastard ever born. He went back into the RG when it as burning, and got his kit and the only thing we lost was some nod's and a mgn mount. I remember him asking me for a light and I gave him my tags with the little light on it. "Don't f---ing lose that my room key is on it...K was evacced but

Some hypocrisy of my own

Now, I have served my country since I was a teenager and I volunteered to serve in Iraq. It had nothing to do with going to find Saddam's weapons of mass destruction or his links to 9/11, because I am just a dumb old soldier but even I know when I am being fed a line of bullsh*&. Anyone who says they supported things because they believed the CIA or whatever has probably bought oceanfront property in Arizona or a nice little bridge for sale in Brooklyn. I went to Iraq, because it was the right thing to do.

This is the part that confuses a lot of people, because I see it in black and white without the shades of gray. You see, I didn't like old GW as a president but he at least quit screwing around and took Saddam out like his daddy and slick Willie should have. You see Saddam was a scumbag and got what he deserved, just like his two sons. The Iraqi people deserve better than what they got, and I am proud of what I and those I served with did to help them. There were mistakes and other things, but it was a warzone and shit happens. Most people don't understand that before the surge it wasn't the Iraqi people doing most of the fighting, but foreign fighters that were coming to help Al-qaida in Iraq and try to force them to live under a system like Afghanistan had under the Taliban. I have a real big problem with people that like to go around blowing people up, torturing, beating and killing in order to force them to worship the same way they do. See, it wasn't good enough that the Sunni and Shiia of Iraq were already Muslim, but if they weren't Wahabi or going to convert to Wahabiism then they would kill whoever they had to in order to make the rest fall into line.

10:10 Movie and the Enviro-Psychos

I never thought that I could see anything more disgusting than some of my memories from Iraq until watching television yesterday. I was unfortunate enough to come across the showing of the 10:10 commercial and it was something that made me want to throw up. I am not sure how any sane person person could ever come up with a concept for an advertisement or mini-movie like this, but my first thought is that they seriously need to be checked out by a team of thoroughly competent psychiatric professionals before being locked away someplace heavily sedated for many years to come.

I am all for helping the environment by recycling and doing what we can, but the concept of this commercial is sociopathic.

Hurting

It's coming back again, and I know the
Feeling all too well. My body is fighting
Me, and I am the one losing the fight at
Every twist and turn. I have to keep in
The fight losing is not an option for me.

My friends stand ready to help me, and
Without them I would have given up. I
Hide the weakness to keep them from
Worrying. I know some would counsel
Me

A Stupid Song in My Head

A song "Bury Me on Deadwood Mountani" by a group called Big & Rich that has been stuck in my head, just been coming up on random in my playlist the past few days. I like it, but don't get the wrong message by it.


I've been a rambler, all my life
Been a bet it all gambler
Yeah I let it all ride
Never been afraid of losin
Yeah there's been times I've lost it all
But it wont really matter
Someday when I'm gone

You can bury me on Deadwood Mountain
By my brother Wild Bill and sister Calamity Jane
Don't bring me no flowers
Just a six gun smokin
Put me eight feet down
When you bury me
Put me eight feet down
When you bury me

When your heart runs deeper
Then a ghost town gold mine
You just know your bound to find that motherload
You'll spend your last heartbeat chasing after rainbows
No there's no place you won't go
To win one more time

You can bury me on Deadwood Mountain
By my brother Wild Bill and sister Calamity Jane
Don't bring me no flowers
Just a six gun smokin
Put me eight feet down
When you bury me
Put me eight feet down
When you bury me

And cover me a little extra deep
Cause that's the only way
I'm ever gonna rest in peace

You can bury me on Deadwood Mountain
By my brother Wild Bill and sister Calamity Jane
Don't bring me no flowers
Just a six gun smokin
Put me eight feet down
When you bury me
Put me eight feet down
When you bury me

Soon it will be Memorial Day again

What It Means

We served our tour as strangers in the start,

I was thrown in a replacement and unknown.

You all treated me like I had no clue, then it

Was less than a week. My test came and I 

Passed in your eyes, and I had a new home.

You had all been together for years,but in a

Few weeks time it happened. We lost them, 

And they were mine too. The ramp that night 

Is what only those who've been there will ever

Know. They went home but not to their families.

We drove on and finished our tour. More of us 

Were hit and some were wounded. One other 

Would leave us, but there would be no more 

Angel flights. The rest would return safely to 

Your families, and even tried to bring me too.

Another unit to join for a few more months,and

Then I too came home. A year would pass, and 

I would be a casualty without the war. Then the 

News would come that I lost the "Kid." He came 

Home but that fucking war would still claim him.

We'll gather with friends and "family" that day. I

Think a joke that they watch us parade, because

They won't stand in the sun as we remember the

Times we shared and those who aren't having

Beer and cook-outs with their families & friends.

Disappearances

I haven't been around this week, because I have been out of my medicines thanks to my wonderful doctors at the VA. I love you, but right now I have been so toxic the last few days that I am scared of hurting you. My new doctor also got the bright idea to try a new prescription with me adderall? He said it is supposed to help with my focus, and yeah I am thinking he is the world's biggest dumbass. It is used for kids with ADD, but if you look here you will see crazy meds review of it. Just what you need to give someone who doesn't have the ability to sleep without the use of prescription sleeping pills or going till their bodies crashes from exhaustion. Between that and waiting for my refills of my sleeping pills and paxil, I managed to go from late Tuesday night till Saturday evening before my body just collapsed. this is the most coherent I have been in that time. Which really scares me because I don't remember yesterday, I know the boys went with Jennifer on Friday for Mother's Day and I have been on the go all the time since. I just don't know what I did? I also have to look up hypomania which I found is a side effect of Paxil and not being weaned off it along with some other less fun things that I am not going to go there.

I am not sure about anything anymore, and it is scaring me more and more. I know where you have been lately with your own health, and the stupidity I am capable of on my own normally is something you don't need to deal with when I don't have my medicines.

I really do wish I had the magic wand or a time machine. If I could do it over as I see things around me now, I would never have gone to Iraq or not come home...lol...I watch the news everyday and I did it for nothing. People are too stupid to see it, and for what was here at home the cost has never been worth me or the kid. In 4 more weeks it will be 4 years, and why did we all do it?

I had someone tell me the other day when I went out to the store as I stopped at one of my local haunts that they were tired of hearing about servicemen. I just sat and listened as they said there is nothing special about them that they are just normal people. I exploded then and told them that yeah we are normal, but we are the ones who shed our fucking blood and suffer the injuries and do the dying that they won't stand up and fucking do. I told them we are less than 1% of the population that have the courage to do what they won't do, and yet they still insult us or tell us we are cruel or inhuman for the things we have done.

They don't understand the price we pay for them. They don't see the kid that I loved or all the others, the things they gave up and never got to have. Not to mention the ones who loved them that pay that price every day remembering them, and learning to carry on with their lives without them.

Long Time

It has been a while since I have been here, the last post that I made here was in January. and I took that down before I made my blog private. I did that in order to keep the wicked witch from being able to get on here and read any of thoughts on here. I had also posted the archives of all her chats with her boyfriend, and left a link on my facebook when she had angered me one evening. I posted it all and left it up there until just a few weeks ago because I was tired of her telling everyone that it was me who was responsible.

I also did this because I have decided that I want to post my thoughts about the lifestyle here, and my stories here sometimes. Since a couple of people in my family have the address for this, I did not want them  able to read my thoughts and feelings especially since I turned off my fetlife profile, because of S knowing about it and knowing that she might use it against me with my mom and dad for the boys moving back here.