LOSING THE FIGHT

There comes a time when our
Strength runs out. You can battle
And fight through it for so long,
When the battle becomes too
Much to continue to struggle.

My strength is gone, and I just
Don't have anymore left inside
Me. It is time for me to give up
And I just don't want to fight.
I decided it's time to quit, now.

Ten years, I have struggled in
Dealing with PTSD And TBI. It
Was almost two years ago, that
Pancreatitis was added to the
Mix. I've still kept fighting on.

Then I came to get help for my
PTSD, and found I would have
To fight to stay to get help. They
Keep saying go home, and come
Back when my health's better.

Next, it took one nurse to cause
A shit storm. Ever since I've lived
Back in the constant pain that I
Thought I left behind. So much
For the help I was looking for.

Now it is time to quit, because I
Don't have the strength in me to
Keep fighting. Where I go from
Here? Who cares? I'm just going
To quit, the rest doesn't matter.

Fear of a New Beginning

Soon it begins again, the
Dread is inside of me, and 
I wonder if I'm opening 
Pandora's Box this time. Will 
It be the one that breaks me?

I think of the old song, but
For me "I lost parts of my 
Body and parts of my mind. 
It was written for Vietnam 
Vets, but still applies for ours.

It has been 11 years since I 
Locked up this box. I never 
Wanted to open it again, but
I have to. The demons inside 
Are screaming to be loosed.

I, also, have to deal with Ro
And with LeRoy and feelings
Of guilt that both of them still
Hold over me. It may not be 
Logical to others, it is for me.

I know I'm in the place where 
I can deal with these things in
The safest and best way. I am 
Surrounded by vets, counselors 
and staff who'll help if I need it.

There will be days it will break 
Me down, but I know that I have 
The support all around me when
I need it. Just as I will do it for my
Brothers and sisters in time of need.